Looking to the right at the '0 days to my target weight' is actually one of the most depressing things.

Its actually a massive coincidence that I've returned to my blog today as I was just browzing some thinspiration sites, because today was the day when I was supposed to have reached my target weight of 107lbs.

In actual fact, I'm still probably more like 111, although I'm too scared to weigh myself right now because today has been the biggest binge ever and I had to take laxatives for the second time so I didnt feel so bloated. I've had crisps, chocolate bars, cereal, bacon sandwiches, bread and chicken today, which is more than I used to eat before I started losing weight. Yestarday wasnt a great day either as I went shopping with my mum and for some reason when I'm with my family I always overeat.

I think this is slowly turning into an eating disorder, and the couple of times when I havnt eaten anything all day is when I'm at my happiest. But then I think I've done well so think I can eat something then go and ruin it. But from now on I am just going to come on here and let the thinspiration help me stay clean.

For a week or so I was getting the hang of not eating, but I always seem to binge at the end of the week like I did today. But you haven't failed until you've given up. And this girl is not giving up.

Some quotes to inspire:
Giving in to food shows weakness. Be strong and you will be better than everyone else.
You won't feel satisfaction after you eat that, just guilt.

Why it doesnt feel like summer

The rain is bucketing down outside and there is no hint of sun, and it is 1.45pm when it should be the sunniest.

How crap.

Chocolate truffles and chocolate biscuits

Super leathel... I succummed to their powers :P
Dammmnnn
I'm dreading the scales tonight.


Yestarday I was down to 111.2 which is REALLY GOOD. Should be under 110 by next week.

Lily Allen quote:
"But everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner"

What I have eaten today

Bran flakes - 80
Glass of milk - 80
Chicken kebab - 500
Be good to yourself crisps - 98
Sainsburys crisps - 129
2 Walls mini ice creams - 80
1 apple - 60
Diet coke - 0

TOTAL DAMAGE - 1027

Alright day.

Good Mood

I won a Babyliss hairbrush which was really cool, and it wasnt the fact that it was a hairbrush it was that it came through the post free that just made me smile.

Todays damage so far:
Smoothie - 120
Bran - 70
Apple - 50
Greggs mexican chicken roll - 430
2 mini icreams - 80
Caramel snack a jacks - 101

Dinner - tba

Total so far: 851

I am going to my friends bbq for dinner and for drinks. Alcohol is not good for losing weight at all.

113!

I did go for a run yestarday, and weighed myself and was 113! Thats 1.2 gone in one day, and I didnt even eat that well. So happy.

Got to be careful not to put it back on now though.

What I have eaten today:
Glass of milk - 100
High Bran - 100
Go Ahead bar - 250
Snack a Jacks caramel flavour - 101
Walkers Lights cheese & onion crisps - 113

Dinner - tba

Total so far: 664


Update 8.27pm:

FAIL.

Mood has completely plummited. I binged.

1 more pack Snack a Jacks - 101
2 mini milks - 60
1 walls twister mini icecream - 40
4 ginger nut biscuts - 320
Fruit smoothie - 150
Snacking at dinner parents had - 200
Ham - 100

TOTAL: 664 + 971 = 1635

Gained 135 calories.
FAIL FAIL FAIL

Some one give me some encouragement and inspiration PLEASE. I need some help. :/

Whats worse is I cant even go running tonight cause I have to deliver some catalogues.

FASTING TOMORROW. (And running if I get the chance).

Diet coke will now be my best friend.

My mood is worse because I had a massive argument with my family. AHHH.

What I have eaten today

Damage:
Bran flakes - 80
Glass of milk - 115
Sandwich crusts - 100
Pick n miz - 200
Minstrels - 211
Pasta tuna sweetcorn and mayo - 450
Mini ice cream - 40
Handful of grapes - 30
TOTAL: 1226 kcals

I need 1500 to maintain a constant weight.

Not utterly dreadful but I still feel like a PIG from all that pasta. Once I start I just cant stop eating!
From the pick n mix onwards is everthing I have eaten between 4 and 7pm. Its disgraceful.
My textiles teacher gave me loads of work so I went a bought some minstrels to cheer myself up. I need to stop buying chocolate to cheer me up.

Going to try to keep it under 500 kcals tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hopefully I can motivate myself to go for a run tonight after gossip girl.

I weighed myself last night. 114.2lb.

My goal is 107. If I reach it, I want to treat myself with something. Clothes? What do you think?

Reasons to fast tomorrow:

UPDATE: 8.37pm - said no to a few chips dad brought home from fish and chip shop. I feel powerful.