Sunday 1 November 2009

Looking to the right at the '0 days to my target weight' is actually one of the most depressing things.

Its actually a massive coincidence that I've returned to my blog today as I was just browzing some thinspiration sites, because today was the day when I was supposed to have reached my target weight of 107lbs.

In actual fact, I'm still probably more like 111, although I'm too scared to weigh myself right now because today has been the biggest binge ever and I had to take laxatives for the second time so I didnt feel so bloated. I've had crisps, chocolate bars, cereal, bacon sandwiches, bread and chicken today, which is more than I used to eat before I started losing weight. Yestarday wasnt a great day either as I went shopping with my mum and for some reason when I'm with my family I always overeat.

I think this is slowly turning into an eating disorder, and the couple of times when I havnt eaten anything all day is when I'm at my happiest. But then I think I've done well so think I can eat something then go and ruin it. But from now on I am just going to come on here and let the thinspiration help me stay clean.

For a week or so I was getting the hang of not eating, but I always seem to binge at the end of the week like I did today. But you haven't failed until you've given up. And this girl is not giving up.

Some quotes to inspire:
Giving in to food shows weakness. Be strong and you will be better than everyone else.
You won't feel satisfaction after you eat that, just guilt.